Mulled Vine

Well, first you need air, lots of it, and if you don’t have air, see my article “How to make air”.

Ok, so you have the air. Now what?

You swish it very fast, round and round and round, making like a whirlpool, then, when its swirling around nicely on its own, you step away quickly, being careful not to upset the new tornado (tornadoes can be quite sensitive, you know, because of their funny shapes, and are liable to suck up anyone who they think is looking at them funny.)

You’re probably wondering about the swishing air bit. Well there are two ways to swish a whole lot of air. Either you are really powerful, like God, who can do just about anything, including swishing, or you are a “law of physics”.

What do you mean you don’t know what a law of physics is? (This could be a longer explanation than I thought!)

See, its like when air pressure is high in one place, and low nearby, so the air moves from the high pressure place to the low pressure place and you get wind. That’s a law – it always does that. It doesn’t say one day, “Ooh, I think I’ll go left today.” It can’t – the law is the law.

So how do we get laws? I mean, who says air has to move like that?

I don’t know and it gets a bit tricky now so I hope you are sitting down.

Have you heard of the Big Bang? No, not Humpty Dumpty, idiot. The Big Bang is what the call the big explosion that happened at the beginning of time, quite a long time ago, like a gazillion years. There was this “point” and it went “Boom!” and hey presto there was a universe full of laws.

Or you could believe that God, who has no beginning (weird, eh?) decided one fine moment that a universe would be mighty nice thing.

So there you go. You know how to make a tornado. Kind of.