Mulled Vine

Context:

Weekly drama presented to our church children as part of Club Sunday. This week’s theme: Luke 18:1-8 (The Parable of the Persistent Widow)

Cast:
Shop Owner
Corrupt Inspector

Props:

Inspector’s coat, shades and clipboard
“I got the power” sound clip
Free gift

Script:

[Opening – to theme tune]

[Owner pottering about getting things ready, singing to himself in a very silly manner]
Owner: Oh, what a beautiful morning!!!! Oh, what a beautiful daaaaaaayyyyy! I have that wonderful feeeeeellliiinngg! Everything’s going my waaaaay!

[Inspector walks in and starts to look around]
Inspector: Hmmm…
Owner: Good morning! May I help you?
Inspector: Hmmm…
Owner aside to children: I wonder who he is? He looks awfully serious. Do you know who he is? [Children’s suggestions]
Owner: I say, good morning!!!
Inspector: Er, yes, hello… this just won’t do.
Owner: What won’t do?
Inspector: The shop.
Owner: What about the shop?
Inspector: Is this a magic shop?
Owner with children: No, it’s a TRICK SHOP
Inspector: Not a magic shop?
Owner: Nope!
Inspector: This just won’t do.
Owner: WHAT won’t do??
Inspector [in very officious voice]: Because Bylaw 88.231 states unequivocally that every purveyor of goods of the trickery nature must also offer goods of the magical nature.
Owner: Wha’?
Inspector [in a Cockney accent]: Coz, Guv, the ol’ law says ya gotta sell magic if this is a trick shop! Awight?
Owner: I’ve never seen that law.
Inspector: That’s because it’s a subclause
Owner: Subclause? What’s he got to do with this?
Inspector: Not Santa Clause, SUB-Clause! It means I can add bits to the law if I want to. I’ve got the power! [with appropriate sound clip] I’m an INSPECTOR!
Owner: But I don’t want to sell magic tricks. This is not a magic shop its [with kids] a TRICK SHOP!
Inspector: Not any more it isn’t. Subclause 1b states…
Owner: You told me. I simply can’t sell magic tricks.
Inspector: Then you’ll have to be closed right away.
Owner: Closed?
Inspector: Closed! Right away.
Owner: Please, don’t close my shop.
Inspector: It’s the law.
Owner: But its your made up law!
Inspector: My law is THE LAW [big scary voice]
Owner [falls to ground and grabs legs of Inspector]: PUUULEEEASSSEEE DOOONNNTTT CLOOOOSE MYYY SHOP. WAAAAAAHHHHHH!
Inspector [looking slightly uncomfortable]: The law is the law.
Owner: PUUUUULEEEEASSSEEEEEEE! WAAAAHHHHH!!!!
Inspector [now looking very uncomfortable]: Must you do that?
Owner: PUUUUULEEEEASSSEEEEEEE! WAAAAHHHHH!!!!
Inspector: Please stop that.
Owner: PUUUUULEEEEASSSEEEEEEE! WAAAAHHHHH!!!!
Inspector: Well. I suppose I …
Owner [stands up and wipes his nose]: Sniff…. Yes?
Inspector: It might be ok to make a special exception just in this case, seeing as you feel so strongly about it.
Owner [falls to ground and kisses feet of Inspector]: THAANK YOOOUUU, THAANK YOOOUUU!
Inspector: Please stop that.
Owner [stands up and wipes his nose]: Sniff. Thank you.
Inspector: Its ok, it’s a silly law anyway.
Owner: Would you like a trick?
Inspector: A trick?
Owner: Yes a free trick.
Inspector: Ooohhh, that sounds nice.
Owner: [Gets trick and gives it to the inspector] Here you are…
Inspector: Thank you. I love tricks!
Owner: No problem.
Inspector: Good-bye
Owner: Have a nice day!

[Inspector clutches his gift with glee and leaves to sound of theme music]